I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This house was built for laser tag.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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