don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
