matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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