Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
