They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
