That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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