While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
