as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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