My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
