I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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