eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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