Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
