yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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