Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
