I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize