I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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