How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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