my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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