i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need a beard to bite.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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