What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
