dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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