And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
