Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
