I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
