I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
