i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
