I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
