kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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