the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
