sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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