mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
