The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i think i just lost a toe
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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