I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
