We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
