ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
