I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
