once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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