i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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