Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
