i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm passing your future prison.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
