just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
