I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
