Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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