she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
