I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
