im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
