also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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