im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
