so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
