so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
