God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
