This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
