Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
