I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
