apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
