not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
