thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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